There Goes the Jesus Vote

Neocons have managed to bring religion to the forefront of politics over the past decade. This is why, to much of America, things like Reverend Wright and whether or not Obama is Muslim (answer: he is not, and it shouldn't matter anyway) are seemingly as big issues as the economic collapse and the war in Iraq. In particular, many conservatives have expressed a will to turn America into a "Christian Nation", which would indicate that these people would want their leaders to follow Jesus's word.

Ironically, based on their stances on major issues, there is absolutely no way they would elect Jesus if he was around today. Don't believe me? Well check this out this sweet-assed and possibly entirely biased matchup.

JESUS: Love your neighbor as yourself (Okay, a lawyer said this in conversation with the J-man, but he totally agreed).

NEOCONS: Pfft. THEY TOOK OUR JOBS! Y'know what? We need to build a wall along the border to keep our neighbors to the south out.

JESUS: Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the Earth.

NEOCONS: Dirty commie. You better not be talking about income redistribution, there, pinko.

JESUS: Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.

NEOCONS: Bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb Iran. I sure hope the "peacemaker" to which he refers is some sort of missile.

JESUS: Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

NEOCONS: We'll put a boot in your ass. It's the American way.

JESUS: Woe to you who are rich, for you have already received your comfort.

NEOCONS: More tax breaks for the rich! Repeal the estate tax!

JESUS: Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.

NEOCONS: The poor are only poor because they don't want to work hard. They deserve it. Stop taking our welfare, you lazy bastards.

Oh, Karl Rove would surely have a field day with Jesus in his run for the oval office (Jesus's vice president?  Zombie FDR). The spin machine would probably pick apart his quesitonable parentage. Fox News would talk about how his Sermon on the Mount pales in comparison to "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall...", and average folks would comment on how Jesus talks down to them. 

The result is a McCain/Palin landslide victory.

On the plus side, ZOMBIE FDR, PEOPLE.