Embarrassing Things I've Bought

Note: "Embarrassing Things I've Bought" is a bi-weekly feature where one of the IGW writers will talk about, well, an embarrassing thing he (it's a total sausagefest round these parts, so the "/she" is not necessary) has purchased. So here we go.

I have made countless stupid purchases in my life. Luckily, none have involved a sub-prime mortgage (BA-ZING!). For the most part, they involve some sort of media, be it an awful movie, a pathetic album, or a useless book.

Today I’m gonna go with The Brian Setzer Orchestra’s “The Dirty Boogie”, which, I believe, I bought in 8^th or 9^th grade. Mind you, if I was in 8^th grade, I did not have a real job, so I probably had to save up my allowance for this garbage. That is quite the sobering thought. After all that trouble, I must have listened to this album once (or possibly twice) before coming to the realization that it was eighty different types of lame.

Anyway, remember when swing music was popular? I do. Those were weird times, Weird times indeed. Swing music has got to be one of the dorkiest things (if not the dorkiest) to hit the music mainstream in the last several decades. It’s right up there with the Macarena, “Who Let the Dogs Out” and, well, anything involving 80’s new wave. Swing revival got people (including me) thinking zoot suits were cool. It gave white dudes who couldn’t dance to hip-hop (which his to say all white dudes) hope. I suppose that’s why it was so successful.

The name of this album, again, is “The Dirty Boogie”, which would make the Brian Setzer Orchestra sound dangerous if you had no idea who the fuck the Brian Setzer Orchestra is. Or if they didn’t have “Orchestra” in their band name. Or if they, for that matter, did not play swing music.

OH SHIT LOOK OUT THEY ARE SKILLED AT PLAYING MUSIC AARP LIKES THEY ARE SO UNSAFE FOR EAR CONSUMPTION

The only thing dangerous about these dudes is that there is a possibility someone’s grandma lost their virginity to a song they covered. And nobody wants that mental image. I hope that thought weighs heavily on mister Setzer’s conscience.

What I’m trying to say here is that this album is not good. It was a waste of fifteen bucks. I still have it in my CD collection. It is likely I will never listen to it again. So there you go.