WTF, World: Volume III

Earlier this week, I was appealed to take a minute out of my busy day and think about giving to the poor and needy. 

I had no idea Boston University was so badly-off. 

And so begins another installment of "WTF, World", your Wednesday guide to all the crap you wish didn't happen.

• Listen, it's okay that Neo-Nazis are infiltrating our military and prepping for the coming "race war" (My money's on a decisive joint Eskimo/Narwhal victory). Just make sure no gays sign up, because, you know, buttsex is icky. I think the most poignant, logical comment on the don't-ask-don't-tell policy has come from presidential hopeful and renowned asshat Mitt Romney, who noted the following:

"This is not that time [to let gay people serve]. We're in the middle of a war."

 

Bravo. Game, set, match, my good man.

• In the future, when kids write reports on objective journalism, they'll surely come across this giant in the industry. Of course, by Gibson's own estimation, those darned Hispanics will have out-birthed us Anglo-Americans by then, so those reports will be in Spanish. And probably written in flying cars, each packed with like 50 sombrero-wearing kids (OMG OFFENSIVE MEXICAN STEREOTYPE CARLOS MENCIA LOL. I GUESS I'M JUST TOO REEEAAL FOR YOU, HOMES).

• What's the matter with kids today? Oh, right. Rickets, caused partially by not enough outdoor exercise. Seriously, just go out and play like every other generation. If I see one more fat-assed munchkin sitting around playing a hand-held video game on a beautiful day, I'm going to lose it. You know kids have a problem when it is necessary to make "play outside" commercials (That linked PSA is probably my favorite commercial ever. Not to sound all sappy, but it always reminds me of the fun I had playing games outside as a kid. Plus, they're playing WITH THE DAMN SUN. And the song is awesome, too. I just can't say enough about that PSA. And yet it is only necessary because kids are lazy fatasses nowadays).