Deconstructing Queen's "Don't Stop Me Now"

One of the enduring memories from my first job is my co-worker's absolute refusal to listen to any song performed by Queen. It was not always this way for him. At the beginning of the summer, he would, like the rest of our crew, rock out to tunes like "Fat Bottom Girls" with reckless abandon. However, a few weeks into our job (cleaning roadsides, aka "The High Life"), said coworker discovered Freddie Mercury was gay, and as he was of the "we meet in tents and I can't wait for Armageddon" religious persuasion, his Queen-listening days were over. From then on, whenever anything by the band came on the radio, we were forced to change the station.

Now, ignoring the obvious "WTF!? He refused to listen to Queen because Freddie Mercury was gay?" reaction, perhaps an even more shocking revelation was that a semi-grown man had absolutely no idea Freddie Mercury was gay in the first place. Obviously, there was a time in my own life where I didn't realize he was gay either, but, then again, I was like 5 and had no idea how a penis worked. I mean, had my coworker (we'll call him "Tom") never actually seen the man? If gaydar was a real thing, it would make some comical WOOP WOOP WOOP sound and explode if scanned over ol' Freddie. Moreso, even if Tom had absolutely no previous Freddie Mercury experience, all he would have to do would be to listen to the lyrics to pretty much any Queen song to figure out which way Freddie swung. 

On that note, I think I'll break down one of my favorite songs, "Don't Stop Me Now", for the reading/listening public.

Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time

I feel alive 

And the world I'll turn it inside out yeah

I'm floating around in ecstasy

So don't stop me now

Don't stop me

'cause I'm having a good time 

Having a good time...

So if I hadn't mentioned earlier that this was a Queen song, at this point, you'd probably mistake it for something by Gloria Gaynor. Or from the dominant wrestling tag team/singing duo The Weather Girls, who famously predicted men raining from the skies. Despite their name, they kind of sucked at predicting the weather.

I'm a shooting star leaping through the sky

Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity

That analogy may be a bit of a stretch. I don't think shooting stars leap. Scott Bakula leaps. Also, to the best of my knowledge, things can't defy the laws of gravity. This is particularly true for tigers.

I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva

I'm gonna go go go there's no stopping me

So is the racing car naked or something? Is he naked whilst driving? I guess I shouldn't question the logic here, because YOU CANNOT STOP FREDDIE MERCURY.

I'm burning through the sky yeah

Two hundred degrees that's why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit

Listen, if you were burning through anything, you would probably want to be a bit hotter than two hundred degrees, particularly if measured on the Fahrenheit scale. That's not even hot enough to boil water at sea level. I suppose if he was at that temperature somewhere higher up in the atmosphere he could boil water, but, still, I definitely wouldn't look up and say "Damn, that dude is burning through the sky." Oh, and I'm not going to make the easy joke here. Wait, yes I will. OMG FREDDIE MERCURY WAS A FLAMER LOL.

I'm travelling at the speed of light

NO YOU ARE NOT THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE

I wanna make a supersonic man out of you

This is probably the gayest line in music history. Or maybe he was just referring to Colonel Guile from Street Fighter II. SONIC BOOM

Don't stop me now 

I'm having such a good time

I'm having a ball 

Don't stop me now

If you wanna have a good time

Just give me a call

So don't stop me now

'cause I'm having a good time

Don't stop me now 

Yes I'm having a good time

I don't wanna stop at all

I'm only going to stop you if you try to make a "supersonic man" out of me. 

I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars

On a collision course

I am a satellite 

I'm out of control

I don't know what he is getting at here, besides being in outer space and possibly smashing into stuff. I kind of picture him here as a big mechanical Keith Moon floating around the Milky Way and driving his space Rolls-Royce into the Jetsons' pool.

I'm a sex machine ready to reload

Like an atom bomb about to oh oh oh oh oh explode!

Let's just move on.

I'm burning through the sky yeah

Two hundred degrees that's why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit

I'm travelling at the speed of light

I wanna make a supersonic woman of you

Okay, now I'm confused. Supersonic woman? Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he wasn't gay. I should give Tom a call and tell him that it's okay to listen to Queen again.

Don't stop me don't stop me, don't stop me hey hey hey!

Don't stop me don't stop me ooh ooh ooh

I like it

Don't stop me don't stop me

Have a good time good time

Don't stop me don't stop me

ohhhhhhh!

I think we just wandered into him having sex. For God's sake, next time leave a damn sock on the door and this won't happen.

ohhhhhh

I'm burning through the sky yeah

Two hundred degrees that's why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit

I'm travelling at the speed of light

I wanna make a supersonic man out of you

Nope. Definitely gay. Gotta call Tom back. He's probably going to hell now that he listened to "Killer Queen". I guess it's too late.

Don't stop me now 

ooh I'm having such a good time

I'm having a ball 

Don't stop me now

If you wanna have a good time

(come on) Just give me a call

Don't stop me now

'cause I'm having a good time

Don't stop me now 

Yes I'm having a good time

I don't wanna stop at all

lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalaaaaaaaalala

Freddie Mercury passed away in November of 1991, a day after he publicly announced that he had tested positive for HIV and had AIDS. He was arguably one of the most talented singers in rock music history, and his vocal talents have been enjoyed by millions. Queen may have produced as many awful songs as they did great ones over the years, but it is sad that there are many people out there who discount Freddie's talent and refuse to listen to him simply because of his sexual orientation.

However, if you knock him for "Princes of the Universe" instead, I can totally understand.