The other night, my girlfriend and I were watching TV when we stumbled upon the forgotten classic film "The Little Rascals". I believe the AFI ranks it right behind "Citizen Kane" and "The Godfather" in their best movies list.
Okay, in reality, it isn't nearly that caliber of film, but if you are from my generation and you say there wasn't a time in your life when you liked this movie you are a big fat liar.
Anyway, we watched the last 45 minutes or so of the film, and, during this time, I couldn't help but wonder what the hell happened to all of the movie's child actors. For the most part, these kids are roughly my age now, and, as you well know, child actors do not normally fare well as they grow up. Hollywood is littered with people like of Todd Bridges, Dustin Diamond, and Danny Bonaduce who alternate between the police blotter and some variation of The Surreal Life. Surely, this movie's child actors must have fallen from the heights of fame (tons of Little Rascals groupies, let me tell you) to a similar fate.
And, according to reliable sources (my mind), many of them did. Here's a rundown of where these actors are now.
Alfalfa (center, next to dog): Naturally, he did what any bowtie-wearing kid would do. He became a Tucker Carlson impersonator for birthdays and special events.
Spanky (to left of Alfalfa): Grew up, got a sex change, turned into Paula Deen (Note the similarities in their voices.).
Darla (only girl in picture): Broke up with Alfalfa soon after movie ended when she realized she was like 6 and boys, at the time, were icky. She later came around to the opposite sex, but went too far and was arrested for prostitution.
Buckwheat and Porky (bottom of picture): Ended up grifting, with moderate success. Eventually were busted by the feds when they tried to pull a big "pickles and dollars" scam.
Waldo (below dog): It must have been rough for this kid, who was typecast as "loathsome rich kid" in pretty much anything he ever acted in. On the other hand, OH MY GOD I HATED HIM SO MUCH. He was pretty much the child version of Sack from "Wedding Crashers". What happened to him? He is now national president of the Young Republicans. He has more money than you. He is a member of several secret societies geared specifically towards being WASPy. Still loathsome.
Butch (backwards hat) and Woim (ginger kid): So called "tough kids" later tried to lead their gang in a turf war against the Crips. If you have any information on their whereabouts, contact the LAPD.
Stymie (top, wearing hat): Completely normal. Is an engineer. Pretty anti-climactic, really.
So that's all I could dig up. Yet another generation of child actors tossed by the wayside. I suppose it would be a sadder story if any of this were true, but hey, that's what you get on these here interwebs.
No comments:
Post a Comment