WTF, World: Volume VI

We're going back in time today and making it a "WTF Wednesday". The space-time continuum will never be the same.

And now the links.

• Remember how millions of our tax dollars went towards teaching only abstinence to young folk instead of informing them about the virtues of condoms? Well that worked out spectacularly (Even Fox News has reported this). Poor Jamie-Lynn Spears. If only she had been properly educated before she put out. Actually, the real victim may be her mother, whose book about parenting was put on hold following the news of her daughter's pregnancy. Good call by the publishers there.
• We shouldn't subsidize poor children's healthcare because OUR CIGARETTES WOULD BE TOO EXPENSIVE. Glad to see our President has his priorities in check. At this point, our country seems a bit like the plot of "The Producers." Think about it. Say, like in 2000, a democratic strategist thought that it would be a good idea for Bush to win the Republican bid because everything he touches turns to shit, paving the way for an easy Dem victory. Only people end up loving Bush and elect him to two terms. As President, he's still the anti-Midas, but AW HOW CAN WE STAY MAD AT THAT FACE.
• I-35 is, apparently, some sort of holy road planned originally in the Bible. Funny, I thought the Eisenhower administration was behind it all. Evangelical Christian groups are using the highway as a launching pad for a "purity siege", which includes eliminating homosexuality through prayer. You know what? Being "filled up by the Holy Ghost" sounds pretty gay, too, so you better watch yourself. Also, purity siege people, how about you spend your time praying for and putting your energy into helping sick people, or the starving, or the homeless or something, instead of freaking out about trivial stuff. There's that whole "priorities" thing again.

WTF, World: Volume III

Earlier this week, I was appealed to take a minute out of my busy day and think about giving to the poor and needy. 

I had no idea Boston University was so badly-off. 

And so begins another installment of "WTF, World", your Wednesday guide to all the crap you wish didn't happen.

• Listen, it's okay that Neo-Nazis are infiltrating our military and prepping for the coming "race war" (My money's on a decisive joint Eskimo/Narwhal victory). Just make sure no gays sign up, because, you know, buttsex is icky. I think the most poignant, logical comment on the don't-ask-don't-tell policy has come from presidential hopeful and renowned asshat Mitt Romney, who noted the following:

"This is not that time [to let gay people serve]. We're in the middle of a war."

 

Bravo. Game, set, match, my good man.

• In the future, when kids write reports on objective journalism, they'll surely come across this giant in the industry. Of course, by Gibson's own estimation, those darned Hispanics will have out-birthed us Anglo-Americans by then, so those reports will be in Spanish. And probably written in flying cars, each packed with like 50 sombrero-wearing kids (OMG OFFENSIVE MEXICAN STEREOTYPE CARLOS MENCIA LOL. I GUESS I'M JUST TOO REEEAAL FOR YOU, HOMES).

• What's the matter with kids today? Oh, right. Rickets, caused partially by not enough outdoor exercise. Seriously, just go out and play like every other generation. If I see one more fat-assed munchkin sitting around playing a hand-held video game on a beautiful day, I'm going to lose it. You know kids have a problem when it is necessary to make "play outside" commercials (That linked PSA is probably my favorite commercial ever. Not to sound all sappy, but it always reminds me of the fun I had playing games outside as a kid. Plus, they're playing WITH THE DAMN SUN. And the song is awesome, too. I just can't say enough about that PSA. And yet it is only necessary because kids are lazy fatasses nowadays).